Since most stores left the magazines out in the open we were given these metal
clamps to put around them. The mags themselves were wrapped in plastic and
these clamps locked around them. We had gun-shaped gizmos behind the counter to
remove them.
The clamps were virtually worthless though, they were essentially clamped onto plastic which meant they could be forced off with minimal effort.
At best they were a deterrent to the truly brainless.
We first learned how easy these clamps were to remove one night when we found several "used" magazines that someone tried to flush down the toilet.
You read that right, someone took the magazine into the men's room, "used" it, and flushed it.
Soon it became a semi-weekly ritual.
Sometimes they were flushed, other times just crammed into the tank.
Someone had to clean that up and many times that meant "me".
My choices often were: a) clean it up or b) have someone quit. Occasionally
b) was the better choice but a) won out too many times.
Did I mention I earned about $12 an hour?
We didn't make any real effort to catch whoever was doing it.
We figured they'd get bored and eventually they did.
He was certainly some voyeur perv who got off on the idea of being caught.
After not being caught he moved-on (or was arrested for indecent
exposure somewhere else).
At least I have some funny stories about selling porno magazines. My top three are:
3) A very nervous guy comes up with a porno mag wedged between two newspapers.
He was trying to be very discrete and I decided to have some fun.
I rang up the newspapers then eyeballed the magazine and yelled to the nearest employee
"
Hey Garry, how much for Swank magazine!?"
Yeah, I was an a-hole but it was pretty damn funny.
2) An obviously underage kid comes up to buy a porno mag and does the whole trying to act older bit.
You know, the fake deep voice and such.
I ask for an ID and he hands me a speeding ticket that's clearly been altered to make him 18, or maybe mid-20s, I didn't do the math.
I laughed and said "
You've got some balls. Get the f' out of here."
3) It's about two minutes before closing time and three guys in the their mid-20s come up to the counter.
One of them buys a stack of adult magazines while the others loitered.
Our exchange ended something like:
Me: Alright, thanks.
Guy: Do you have a bathroom?
Me: Uh, yeah, in the back.
Guy: OK thanks. [Heads for the bathroom]
[Time passes]
Me (to the other two guys): Yeah, so, we're closing up now, maybe you want to go get your friend?
Other Guy #1: No way am I going in there.
Other Guy #2: We're not going to buy anything so you can go ahead and close.
Me: Sounds good, just let yourselves out.
At least he paid for the magazines and took them home, better than our bathroom bandit.
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